This past week I listened to a lot of Amy Winehouse, which I’ve added to my Personal Playlist page. Her music hits me at my core. As I listen to her, I usually think about what I know of her short life based on books I’ve read and documentaries I’ve watched. It is so tragic that she didn’t have a strong support system in her life. For instance, in “Back to Black,” she sings about going “back to drinking and dark times” after a breakup. Why couldn’t anyone help her? Where were the people in her support system?
Being an empath, I have to really be careful to not allow myself to get pulled in too much with my emotions on that subject. But it always saddens me to think about what her life and career “could have been” if she just had a stronger support system in place.
Thinking about this ended up causing me to spend quite a bit of time reflecting on “support systems” in our lives. As I thought about it, I came to realize that we usually have a variety of people who we use as support. I broke it down into three different kinds of people we have in a support system.
Supporter 1: The Teammate
It always feels nice to have the “teammate” in a support system. They are by your side constantly. When you are succeeding, they are celebrating with you. When you are angry and blaming others for your failures, they are right there with you blaming them as well. They always validate you. However, this teammate might end up just being an enabler. Having a “teammate” in your support system is comfortable for all of us. I mean, if there is something going on in your life that has you all twisted, who wouldn’t want to have someone there to let out the frustrations and release negative energy?! Sure, it always feels good to let it all out, but you need more than just a “teammate” by you side. Letting out your negative energies with someone is only part of the process. You need more than that.
Supporter 2: The Cheerleader
Imagine a cheerleading squad on the sidelines of a football game. Their team is down by 21 points, and yet they are still all smiles, rooting on their team. Do you have someone in your life who you would consider “the cheerleader” in your support system? Having someone who is always cheering you on when you are struggling sounds great, right? Well, not necessarily.
Of course you want someone positive in your support group. However, you need more than just positivity. Hearing the words, “You can do it!” and “Don’t give up!” can only go so far. You need more than that.
Supporter 3: The Coach
Now let’s picture a coach of a football team who is down by 21 points. They aren’t just rooting on their players and encouraging them. The coach is problem solving and coming up with a strategy to get their team through it. They don’t sugarcoat things. Coaches point out what they see you doing wrong and give you advice to improve what you are doing.
Close your eyes and take a moment to think about who is in your support system. Think about each person and what they bring into your life and how they influence you. Are they all just “teammates?” Or, do you have a combination of all three types? The more “coaches” you can get into your support group, the better off you are.
What about you? Reflect on the type of support you provide others. Work on pushing yourself and strive to be more of a coach than just a teammate. It can make a difference in someone’s life.
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I love this post and the analogy you provide! In order to avoid conflict, I realize that I am anything that particular friend or family wants to be. For example, I’ve tried to be a coach and positive influence to my younger sister in law, but she does not respond to it well at all. So I’ve remained a cheerleader.
While it’s nice to recognize the “coach” is most helpful, the 3 types of people are all still part of what makes a team. When I’m frustrated and don’t particularly want feedback, I know which friend to go to. Once I have calmed down a bit and reflect on the situation, I know which friend to go to for constructive criticism. And so on. I think if we all understand and appreciate the difference among people around us and ourselves, it can better enhance a relationship. Thank you for sharing and allowing me to dig deep!
ABSOLUTELY! What you said is completely and totally true. We need a nice combination of all three to make up a perfect support group! Thank you so much for your reply and sharing your thoughts with us, Jade!
I definitely don’t have these 3 supports in my social life and need it very much! I’m also a fellow empath and WPW. We really can get sucked in! It’s overwhelming at times. Thank you for sharing this thought provoking post! ❤️
Yes, it can get to be very overwhelming! Thank you for sharing your thoughts! Sending my fellow empath some positive vibes!
Same here!
This is a great analogy! I tend to jump back and forth between coach, cheerleader, and teammate! And I can think of people in my life who are those as well!
Thank you, Sydney, for your thoughts and for taking the time to read this post! Yes, I too have supporters who fit into each of those labels. I have a couple who actually shift from one to another, depending on what it is I need! That is what I’m trying to get better at doing myself!
Great blog post! I am going to be looking for all three support people in my life. I had a great cheerleader in my Dad, but he is gone now. Thanks for sharing!
Thank you for your feedback! I’m sure your Dad is still in your heart and still your #1 cheerleader! My PopPop was and always will be my #1 cheerleader and he has been gone for about 15 years. Everyday I strive to make him proud.
I think I likely fluctuate between all three types, depending on the context. not every situation calls for a non nonsense problem solver, just like you don’t always want people to just be there with you reflecting back what you’re putting out as a team player, but sometimes you just want a good vent
This is absolutely true. There are days where I need to let off steam with someone who will just be there to listen and let me vent. But then there are times when I need someone to step in and tell me “enough is enough, you need to do this.”
Yes! I agree! You need these types of people in your support system. Times can get tough so you’ll really need them. However, I’m not so sure about having the cheerleader type always because sometimes I don’t want someone hovering over me all the time. That’s just me though lol haha. Great post, by the way!
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Thank you so much for taking the time to read my post and comment! Yes, I do feel that way at times with “cheerleaders” if they are hovering. A nice balance is key.
Great post and thanks for sharing! I have all 3, which makes me a very lucky person!
This is excellent! Very lucky!
I like how you have grouped people into 3 kinds. Lots of times people are taking their support systems for granted and your post helps keep them aware of who is making a difference in their lives.
Thank you so much! Yes, their are different actions by the people who support us and we need each and every one of them at all different points in our lives.
What à great illustration to use to describe different people in your support network. I definitely need a cheerleader!
Thank you so much! I’ll be your cheerleader! You got this! Reach out to me if you need any cheering on!
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